Bob and Up On the Roof - Senility Hits Home

True to form for me these days, if given a job to do, I have a tendency to leap from one thing to another and somehow am not as easily able to multitask as I was before!  Unfortunately, sometimes it can have comedic consequences as my poor husband found out.

It was a simple task - all I had to do was answer the phone but somehow my blonde old lady brain because distracted by the fact that I suddenly remembered I had to clean the bathrooms for company that was coming. 

Here is my story of how poor Bob unfortunately paid the brunt of my flagging memory!

You-Know-You-Have-Become-Senile-When-Or-Up-On-The-Roof

The Dancing Fool In A Redneck Town

Okay - so it's my own fault - I moved to a 1-horse redneck town and for 5 years now, I've been trying to fit in - really I have!  It's just not my style - I am a southern California girl born and bred (enough said right there, eh?).  I'm getting really, really tired of having City Slicer written on my forehead no matter what I do here. 

One Friday night, I got myself into a bit of hot water down at the local tavern.  Fortunately, I did not become embroiled in any bar fights, though in retrospect, that might have been my first choice had I been a little more 'up' for the evening.  Instead, I found myself corralled so to speak into dancing with - wait for it - NOT the Marlboro Man (no - of course not) but instead Yosemite Sam!  Oy vey.....how do these things happen to me?

I was innocently sitting there sipping my beer after eating a 30 pound hamburger and lo and behold, before I knew what hit me, I had been volunteered to dance the 2-step - or some form of do-si-do - I never will know because the room was spinning faster than a top before I knew what hit me. 

All I can say in retrospect is that next time I venture into one of the taverns here, I'm donning a postop shoe and claiming I had foot surgery!  No way Jose am I making such a spectacle of myself again - whether I want to fit in or not!

Dancing-Fool-Meets-Do-Si-Doon Hubpages

Painting Can Be Dangerous When You Are Not Athletic!

We are back to the problem yet again - my lack of athleticism.  Who knew that painting a stupid house could get me into so much trouble?  Who knew that painting a house would or could require me to know how to be an acrobat?  Whew - I'm very glad I've given it up in my 'older age'. 

I think they should really post warnings on ladders - oh wait - I think that they do.  Maybe they should have a couple more warnings that say for instance 'do not use if you are stupid' or 'do not use if you have no common sense'.  Of course, knowing myself, I would laugh and have a good chuckle over THAT one - as IF they were talking to ME!  You have to be kidding!  I'm the most intelligent person I know - except when it comes to doing something as terrifically simple as painting a house.

I have decided that the problem lies in my personality.  I am too quick to do everything, giving it little or no thought as to the consequences.  I would say I am impulsive but that would be insulting.  I am just a doer rather than a thinker - yeah, I'm sticking with that.  God forbid that I would actually think something through before I attempted it.  I always say though that I am a hands-on person rather than a read-the-manual type but as you can see by this illustration of only ONE of my many screw-ups, I probably should reconsider this approach to life and get a clue.  Too late in the ladder department as after a few mishaps like this one, I decided that ladders should stay far, far away from me - and vice versa.

http://hubpages.com/hub/Should-Painting-Be-An-Olympic-Sport

Maybe I Could Have Made the Special Olympics

Okay, so maybe I wasn't the most agile of athletes nor the most proficient at any sport, but I have to say, what I lacked in coordination and skill, I more than made up for it in drive and perserverance.  Too bad I failed miserably as a child to come up with anything that even resembled athleticism!  I surely wanted to.

As a child brought up by a music teacher who lived and breathed music, literature, music, theater, music (did I mention music?), it was not very easy to excel at sports.  I was not even allowed to play sports as I might 'damage' something like my hands, which were only supposed to be used for playing piano, accordion, or the clarinet.  I have to insert here that I was NOT a willing musician by any means.  I had this longing to do sports and as you can see from my post, it did not go well.  Maybe in retrospect, I should have stuck to my musical endeavors after all (although I was most famous for getting my dress caught in my accordion rather than for my musical abilities).

The moral of my story is never quit - never say you cannot do anything! And even if you can't do it well, do it for comedy!  At least I could excel at that one thing.  If they had had Comedic Olympics or at the least Special Olympics back in the 1960s, who knows - I could have been very famous.

http://hubpages.com/hub/I-Could-Have-Been-a-Gymnist-In-The-Olympics